Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
