I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
