tonight lets celebrate not being married
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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