you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
