Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
