I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
