We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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