been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
