so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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