chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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