I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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