Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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