My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
ttyl tear gas
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
