Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
