I could make wine with my vomit
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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