just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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