Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
