is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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