Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
