sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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