I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
