My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
