i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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