Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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