WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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