I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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