that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
