I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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