dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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