Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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