White coat. Heels.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
