So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
