I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
