thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
