Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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