is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
