So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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