Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
