i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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