if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
