i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
