if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
