she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
