LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who died my cat blue again?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
