you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
