My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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