does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
