Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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