All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ttyl tear gas
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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