got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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