the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
