My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
