Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
