you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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