Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
