Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
