Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
