you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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