You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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