Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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