I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
