I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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