cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
