I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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