We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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