Say something about gay babies.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
