you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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