dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
