Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
