im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
