I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
