i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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